New Year’s resolutions can be incredibly valuable and rewarding. There’s something about the fresh start of the year that inspires us to make changes. We want to shed ourselves of the things that we don’t like and step into the things that we do. To do that, we set goals that are important to us, and we’re motivated to see them through.
But then problems arise.
We run into trouble when our goals are focused on the outcome, not the process. For example, people commonly say they want to lose weight. That’s a perfectly reasonable goal. But it’s worth pausing to ask yourself: What’s my process for getting there? Does that mean exercising more frequently? Changing eating habits? Working with a medical professional? The outcome might be clear, but you are much more likely to meet your goals if the process is clear too. The real question to ask yourself is: Are you willing to do what it takes?
In my case, I impulsively signed up for a half marathon. I’m not a runner. But I pictured how fun it would be running the Rock ’n’ Roll half marathon through downtown D.C. with my friends. I made a running plan through an app. And then I realized, “Welp, now I have to run three days a week.” I just ran 8.5 miles—the longest of my life (for now).
Leaning into the challenge is often where the mental benefits lie. If only the outcome is important, when you get there, it will likely feel underwhelming. But if we find joy in the process—even the hard parts, like running in subarctic temperatures before the sun rises or through freezing rain—the outcome is that much more rewarding.
Another common reason New Year’s resolutions flop is setting over-ambitious, unrealistic goals. You want to exercise every day? Well, work and family obligations will pop up. You and your kids will get sick. You’re going to sleep through your alarm and miss your workout. If you’re set up to fail, you’re going to quickly give up on your goal.
When setbacks happen—and they always do—it’s important not to interpret a single misfire as a defeat. A missed workout doesn’t mean you won’t cross the finish line.
I don’t love the social pressure of setting goals every January. But I end up making New Year’s resolutions just like everybody else. This year, in addition to running the half marathon, I want to read 25 books. I want to take an epic trip abroad. I also have professional, financial and self-growth goals. Will I meet them all? Check back with me in December.
Fallon Goodman is a psychology professor and clinical psychologist in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the Columbian College of Arts and Sciences. She directs the Emotion and Resilience Lab. Her research examines how people overcome social anxiety, build lasting social relationships and foster resilience to adversity.